i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
