My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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