You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
