so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
