3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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