Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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