hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
