He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
