In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
