It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
