i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
