I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
