Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need water and some morals
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
