Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
