just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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