Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
