New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
