I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
