So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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