I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
