Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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