My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
