it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
