mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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