I could have mohawked her pubes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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