if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
