This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
