mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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