I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
