i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
