I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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