He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
