my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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