I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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