she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
