I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
