4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
