I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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