after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
