She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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