felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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