Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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