I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
