Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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