I just threw up on my dentist
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
