i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
