Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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