We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
