my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
