just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
