i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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