Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
