I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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